Memorable Moments in the Casino

Q: Wow! You really blasted that guy. But you speak truth. I found your novel to be realistic, well written, and touching, but the quality I like most about it is its humor. Besides the things you wrote about in the book, what are some of your most memorable moments from being a gambler in a casino? You are the real deal.

A: Thanks for the question, though I do not think I fully understand it. Are you asking what my most memorable moments were, like my most memorable, or biggest, wins, or are you asking about the most memorable things I've witnessed?

At any rate here goes.

I saw a crowd gathered around a car in the parking lot one night as I was leaving the casino. There was a guy sprawled out under the car--I think it was a truck or an SUV--I think maybe he was trying to get himself killed. Maybe he had lost too much money that night. Maybe he was just drunk. The police came and dragged him out and arrested him.

I saw a crowd gathered around a car in the parking lot one afternoon as I was leaving the casino. There was a three or four foot alligator under the car (this is Florida--the casino is sort of in a swamp). People were just kind of gathered around looking at the alligator. This incident is not related to the one above.

I saw an elderly couple (I think they were Canadian tourists) hit all four screens on MAX BET and they had no idea what they were doing. They played all four screens as "000000"--they could not figure how to get the machine off zero--they could not figure out how to lower the bet--and the dang thing hit! Totally unfair to the rest of us poor bastards.

I saw a guy begging money from friends to play the Super 7 machine--a game I do not play and do not really understand--and when he had gotten the money together he sat down and hit $124,000 on the first push.

I saw a guy have a heart attack at the poker table. When he came back to the casino like two months later, they gave him the $22.18 stack that he had left at the table.

I was at the table when a guy hit back to back royal flushes. Amazing! A-freaking-mazing! I don't think that has ever happened anywhere before on the planet earth! Amazing! The jackpots were worth like $20,000 combined. The winner tipped the dealer like ten dollars. Ten measly freaking dollars. You could see it on the dealer's face--disappointment. What can you do? Some players are cheap bastards.

An Asian guy we used to call "Bruce Lee" because he did really look like Bruce Lee was so broke from gambling and losing that he didn't even own a car and had to walk to the casino everyday to play poker with us. (I think I heard somewhere that because of his gambling, he had had his car reposessed.) Anyway, he got lucky one day and hit a Royal Flush with a big $30,000 jackpot. The first thing Bruce Lee did? He got up and went across the street to a buy-here-pay-here lot and paid $4000 cash for a little Hyundai. Then he came back to the table and played all night. Now he had a car. No more walking for Bruce Lee.

This guy we all knew came in and blew his mortgage. He was on his way to pay his mortgage, which was already like three months in arears, and he stopped into the casino and blew it. Now he's crying and moaning and begging us. Well, we're all gamblers. We know how it is. So we pitch together and the most we come up with is like a couple hundred dollars. He needs at least $1500 for his mortgage. It's not that we're cheap. He's begging from us at a bad time. We're all on like a bad streak. So the only thing he can do is take the couple hundred we gave him and try his luck in the machines again. So he plays the machines and he hits $1500 in a little jackpot. Thank God. Now he can pay his mortgage. While he's waiting to be cashed out. He puts twenty dollars in the machine right next to his and hits again. $500! While he's waiting to be cashed out of these first two lucky machines, he puts some money in the next machine in line and hits again! Like $500-600! Amazing. Three machines in a row! When they finally cashed him out, he was about to put some money in another machine, and we were all watching anxiously to see what was going to happen, some of us chanting, "Lucky money never loses. Lucky money never loses," and he stops. He paid us all back and left. He said, "I better go pay my mortgage while I can." We were all shocked. Shocked! We were all grumbling, "What an idiot! How can he leave when he's hot? What a freaking idiot!"

We're playing poker one day at the casino. The Hold'em bad beat jackpot is up to like $160,000--which means the bad beat loser gets $80,000, the bad beat winner gets half that at $40,000, not bad, and the other six players at the table split the final $40,000, which is close to like 7 grand each--not bad for just sitting at the table. We are playing at the table for like 12 hours straight, hoping for that bad beat to hit. Suddenly the pit boss announces "BAD BEAT!" Shouts of joy go up. We look around--our table didn't win, so we want to see which table in the casino, which lucky players, hit the bad beat. Would you believe it was freaking world famous linebacker from the freaking Miami Dolphins who won the bad beat? And the table was full of really big guys who looked like maybe his Dolphins teammates. Lucky bastards. A table full of professional football players. They're already rich and now they win the bad beat. A-freaking-mazing!

There's lots more, but I can't go on. That last one really got to me. I'm not saying Zack and the boys didn't deserve the money, but the rich just keep getting richer. The rest of us just donate.


Thanks,

Preston

How Does One Stop Gambling?

Q: Loved your book. If there is one thing you know, Mr. Allen, it is the gambling world. Your book brought many smiles to my face and it also made me face a tragic reality. I am hooked and maybe there is no way out for me. This gambling thing is ruining my life. Believe it or not, I am the kind of guy you wrote about who will borrow money to gamble and leave his bills unpaid. I went for three weeks without gas to heat my home because I could not afford to pay the gas man. I froze my butt off! The funny thing is that minutes before I left the casino that last time, I had won enough money to pay the gas man to turn my gas back on AND TO BUY FOOD. Sadly, like most gamblers, I kept right on playing and soon had LOST IT ALL BACK. I drove back home to a freezing house. I froze for three weeks. I didn't even have enough money to buy one of those portable electric heaters. Every night as I lay bundled up in 300 blankets, I cursed myself for being so stupid. Why couldn't I just leave when I was winning? Why couldn't I just get up and leave? The funny thing, the sick thing, the really sick thing, is that during those three weeks of cold, I was twice able to borrow money from friends to turn back on the gas and what did I do with the money they loaned me? I went to the casino and lost it all. During those three weeks of cold I thought about a lot of things under those blankets. Like my life savings, which was all gone, like the love of my life, who had dumped me, and most of all how pathetic I was under all of those blankets thinking about how angry I was that I could not gamble. That's right. Despite all that I had lost, the main thing on my mind was to gamble some more. I had lost over a hundred thousand dollars in life savings. I had blown, as usual, that month's pay check (I get paid once a month). I was freezing my butt off in the richest country in the world. Enough was enough. Since that time I have been strong enough to fight it. In the last 30 days I have only visited the casino like twice and have had the strength to get up and leave with money in my pocket when I started losing. It is hard, but I am fighting it. I think I can beat this thing. Memories of the cold are hard to forget.

A: Thanks for the letter. Sorry that I had to edit it. I loved it, but there were a few granmmar issues and also I don't think it is wise to put your personal information out there like that.

I am glad that you are fighting it, and I wish you luck. But in the interest of the uninformed who are reading this post I have to be blunt with you:

You are full of crap and you will fail.

Your strength alone is not enough to stop you from gambling. Your strength? LOL. You are a punk. You blew a hundred grand after working for God knows how many years at a job you probably hate and just because you grew icicles on your nose, you think you are strong enough to beat gambling? Wake up, Frosty the Snowman! You are in denial, and denial is going to suck another hundred grand out of you if it doesn't kill you first. Are you a casual gambler? No. You are a GAMBLER in all CAPS. If you are a gambler, there is no in between. The casino is there to do one of two things: Take ALL of your money, or convince you to commit suicide.

You were not strong enough to stop when you were down ten grand. You were not strong enough to stop when you were down 50 grand. You were not strong enough to stop when you had blown 100 hundred grand (and probably blown through all of your credit cards) and were living paycheck to paycheck. Now you actually believe you are strong enough to stop after a few cold nights? Brother, the nights are always cold for a gambler.

If you want to show strength, pick up the phone and dial 1-888-ADMIT IT. Join GA now! These people can help you--if you are ready to be helped and not just talking crap, like I know that you are.

If you want to show strength go back to the casino and speak to the floor man or the pit boss. Tell them these words: I WANT YOU TO BAN ME FROM THIS CASINO FOR LIFE.

They will do it, and you will not be allowed to go back there.

You, my friend, have had a chilly winter, but you have not hit rock bottom yet. But you will one day soon, and it is going to make your chilly winter seem like a warm day at the beach.

Stop talking crap and get help. You cannot do it alone.

None of us can.

One does not stop gambling by going to the casino! Duh!

Great letter, though.

Thanks,

Preston