Rules to Live By

Wow. This is supposed to be a Q and A blog, but I received so many emails about my advice not to discuss sex, religion, and politics in public that I decided to post the list of advice I received from my three mentors (Adolphus, Garvey, and Anderson) throughout the years--I can't give it all away because the longer version is in book proposal form and I am shopping it. So who knows? You may see it in book stores as soon as next year.

Thanks,

Preston
__________________________

A gift list from the Experienced to the Innocent
By Preston L. Allen
From the forthcoming book

51 RULES FOR THE INNOCENT TO LIVE BY (© copyright 2008 Preston L. Allen)

Live by these rules, young people, and your life will have few regrets when you are 30.
--Preston

1) Do not learn to gamble or to play games of chance. It is a vexation to the spirit and the bank account. Learn to play games of skill instead. Games of skill build character and may even add to your bank account. Do all things in moderation. Don’t kid yourself. There is no way to gamble in moderation once you have become addicted.

2) Do not over eat. Do the math. A full year of your adult life will be spent trying to lose every two pounds that you gain now. If you do not want to spend your adult life on diets, this is the time to avoid gaining weight.

3) Master a skill. Learn to play the piano. Learn to play the violin. Learn to paint. Learn to rebuild an engine. If you do it now while you are young, you have time to master it. It will be hard to find time to master it if you begin when you are an adult. Yes, you can learn it in adulthood, but free time is a gift for the young. With enough free time, you can learn to do anything. Anything.

4) Do not over indulge in sleep. Life is lived while awake. Live life. Free time for young people like you should be spent with your eyes open. Do not become addicted to sleep. Sleep, like procrastination, is the thief of time. Watching TV, too much TV, is a kind of sleep. Do not over indulge in this TV sleep either.

5) Get a good night’s sleep. A proper amount of sleep restores the body. Do not rob the body of sleep. Do all things in moderation. You need not be awake all the time.

6) Never let your boss catch you sleepy or asleep. Always appear alert in the presence of your superiors. This is a key to wealth.

7) Do not smoke. There is no need to spend your adult life trying to kick the habit. Do not begin the habit. You have better things to do with your time and your money. But if you must smoke, smoke a pipe or a cigar, but then only once in a while to relax or to celebrate. Do all things in moderation.

8) Do not use illegal drugs. There is no need to spend your adult life trying to kick the habit—and hiding from the police AND your own children. If an illegal drug becomes legal, do not use it. That it was once an illegal drug should answer all of your questions about it. You have better things to do with your time and money.

9) Do not drink alcoholic beverages. There is no need to spend your adult life trying to kick the habit. Do not begin the habit. But if you must drink strong drink, drink wine or champagne and then only once in a while to relax or to celebrate. Do all things in moderation.

10) Join a gym and develop a regular habit of exercise. But do all things in moderation. Do not become a gym freak. Be normal. There are many young women who are attracted to the strong, but slender type of man. There are many young men who are attracted to the healthy, fit, but fleshy woman. Almost no one is attracted to excess. Do all things in moderation. To some, being too skinny or too muscular is as unattractive as being too fat or too soft and flabby.

11) Eat breakfast every day.

12) Go to the dentist. You do not want to lose your teeth. You will regret it forever. Teeth are a gift.

13) Go to the doctor. You have time for it. You do. Your good health is a gift.

14) The worst place to look for a job is in the newspaper. Consult the newspaper if you want to get a job in network marketing or selling plastic jewelry door to door. Ignore those ads that read “$5,000.00 a month guaranteed, no degree necessary.” It sounds good, but that ad is a lie. Go get a degree and get a real job. There are no short cuts in life.

15) A good way to get a job is to volunteer. Go to a company that you like or perhaps would like to work for and volunteer a few hours a week for a few months. If you do a good enough job, they will probably offer you a real job with pay. Furthermore, if you volunteer at a company, you get to know people; remember, often it is who you know, not what you know, that gets you the job. Finally, if you volunteer at the company, you are often privy to inside information about jobs that are not posted to the public. Or while at the company, you might see someone doing a job that you like but hadn’t ever heard of before. “What exactly is your job title?” you might ask her. “And what do you do? It seems interesting.” Conversations like this often lead to fun and interesting jobs that others might never even think of applying for.

16) You can have anything you want if you give enough other people what they want. This is a key to wealth.

17) Get your money out of the bank and into a solid investment program as soon as you possibly can. This is a key to wealth.

18) Before you pay your bills, pay yourself. Set aside a little money for fun. Have fun with your money. This is a key to happiness.

19) Purchase a house as soon as you possibly can. Renting makes no sense. If you rent, your money goes down the drain. A house is a money tree. In the future, after your equity has grown, your house will be worth much more than you owe on it. This equity will be the beginning of wealth for you. You will probably, and you should, purchase several more houses—not to live in, but to rent to others. Renting houses you own is not as hard as you think. It is quite easy, in fact. The fruit will continue to grow on your money tree. This is a key to wealth.

20) Beware of credit cards. Why do you need seven, ten, or even twenty credit cards? You need only three—a major credit card (Visa or Mastercard), an American Express, and one gas card. Credit cards are not money. Credit cards allow you to purchase mostly worthless trinkets today for all of the precious money you will make tomorrow. Credit cards can get you into a lot of trouble if you do not handle them responsibly. When you see yourself sinking into credit card debt, talk to your parents immediately and beg them to bale you out—I don’t care how deep in the hole you are. Ask them for help. It is better for them to bale you out before you ruin your credit. Turn to them. They will understand. Parents know more than you think they do. They have experienced more than you think they have. I am willing to bet that your parents have a bad credit story buried somewhere deep in their closet. They were young once too.

21) Do not ruin your credit rating. But be grateful that if you ruin your credit rating in our country that all is not lost. A bad credit rating does not last forever. If there are no more problems and you pay off your old debt, or make settlements with your lenders, you will be credit worthy again in 5 to 7 years. You are young. Five to seven years without credit will not kill you. Use those 5 to 7 years to ponder what you did wrong and to practice good credit habits so that when you are again able to borrow, you will borrow responsibly.

22) Purchase your first car with the help of a parent or older relative or friend. If it is a used car, have a trusted mechanic check it out first. If it is a new car, negotiate the best deal you can and then ask to see the rebate check. These days ninety percent of all new cars have some sort of rebate from the manufacturer. Don’t let the salesman (or saleswoman) fool you. Demand your rebate check.

23) Do not speed when you drive. There is no need to speed, ever. A car going a safe forty or fifty or fifty-five miles per is faster than any horse the minutemen ever rode, and they were always on time. You do not want ever to crash a car. You do not want to deal with insurance, police officers, courts, the other driver if there be another car involved, and you do not want to deal with death. Death is permanent. So is paralysis. The car is a great gift. Use it wisely.

24) Learn a sport, and practice it to the point where you become good at it. This is now your sport, should anyone ask you.

25) Learn to play golf, or racquetball, or tennis, or ping pong, or to shoot pool. You need not be good at it (unless it is your sport). You need only be competent. If it is your sport, then strive to be good at it.

26) Do not discuss sex, politics, or religion in public.

27) “But is there a God, Preston? The preacher says yes. The scientist says no.” Well, does He live in your heart? Yes? No? You have your answer. That’s all you need to know, young people. What is there to discuss? Why do we have to argue over this? And in public?

28) Do not use profanity in public, unless you absolutely have to, especially in front of the opposite sex. Use profanity only with your close friends and kin—though never with your parents, no matter your age or theirs. Profanity may be a part of your private face, if you like, but never with your parents.

29) To be an adult means that you must occasionally tell a lie. Find one person that you can always tell the truth to, and tell him/her the truth after you have told others the necessary lie.

30) Do not argue with fools. Do not do it—especially in public. The Bible says that He that argues with a fool is a fool himself. That makes sense to me.

31) Pay attention in your English classes. Read great books. Read more than you watch TV. When you do watch TV, in between the silliness, listen to and model people who speak well. Learn to be comfortable speaking in public. Join a school or college club and become an officer, preferably the club’s president. Enjoy your role as leader. Learn to give orders. Learn to fight for causes. Learn to motivate others. This is a key to wealth.

32) Pay attention in math classes. Math is not difficult. Math is philosophy. Math is a game. Learn the rules and learn to play the game. The great professions—medicine, law, business, engineering—do not require that you know math. The great professions require that you did well in math. So do well in it. Don’t depend on your teachers to teach it to you, either. Go out and do some study on your own. Math is really not hard at all. It just has a lot of rules.

33) Learn a trade while you are young. If your career does not kick in right away, you should be able to sustain yourself by cutting hair, doing hair, playing piano at churches, giving instrument and voice lessons to children, working as an electrician’s assistant, fixing leaky roofs, hanging closet doors, and so on. Such skills and trades can also help you to pay for your education when scholarships, loans, and fellowships fall short.

34) Learn a foreign language. Master a foreign language.

35) Smell nice. Spend money on cologne and perfume. The nose will get you in good with people. It is better for a young man to wear too much cologne than too little. Your scent will linger long after you have left. This is not a bad thing, unless you are wearing an obnoxious scent. A young woman should always smell nice. Make sure your breath smells nice, too. The better you smell, the closer people will get to you, the more they will like you. You will also become more attractive in their eyes because of your nice smell, believe it or not.

36) Be beautiful by your own standard. Don’t try to be beautiful by someone else’s standard. Be the most beautiful you that you can be, and never let that standard lag.

37) Have a public face and a private face. Be careful who you show your public face to. Do not insult your mother and father and siblings by showing them your public face unless you are in public.

38) Learn to say thank you. Learn to say you’re welcome. Spend some money on a nice set of thank you cards. People are so happy when you thank them. This is a key to wealth.

39) Give compliments. Give compliments for a job well done, or for a noble effort. Recognize those who do exceptional deeds with a compliment and they will continue to bless us with these deeds. People are so happy when they receive genuine compliments. This is a key to wealth.

40) Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Write them down in a book. People are so happy when you remember their special days. This is a key to wealth.

41) Smile. People like people who smile. This is a key to wealth.

42) Be friendly and conversational in public. People like a good conversationalist. Learn to bend a good conversation, but do not gossip. Avoid those who gossip.

43) Admire beauty, but put your faith in intelligence, experience, a good work ethic, and integrity. Beauty without intelligence, experience, a good work ethic, or integrity is one paycheck away from prostitution. This is a key to wealth. Likewise, admire talent, but put your faith in intelligence, experience, a good work ethic, and integrity. Talent without intelligence, experience, a good work ethic, or integrity is one paycheck away from bankruptcy. This is a key to weath.

44) Do not make a baby too soon, unless you come from an independently wealthy family. A baby you make too soon can’t help but hinder your progress in life, unless you are independently wealthy. A baby is a joy. A baby is supposed to be a source of much love and a recipient of much love. But a baby made too soon often impoverishes the mother and the mother’s parents. A baby made too soon often turns the father, who is much too young for a father’s responsibilities, into a shirker and a deadbeat. Resentments abound on both sides. In the best of situations, a baby made too soon is a harsh lesson about the burden of responsibility for the young parents, who struggle against amazing odds to make it work. More often than not, their ideal vision of love cannot fix the problems they create by making a baby too soon. This is a key to wealth.

45) But take heart, a baby you make too soon does not remain a baby forever. The young father who turns his back on a baby he made too soon will soon grow to regret it. The young mother who bore a baby too soon quickly learns that the hardest parts come at the beginning when the baby first arrives, then they get easier as the baby develops into a young child, and they become mostly bearable and mostly routine when the baby starts going to school. Finally, when the baby grows into adulthood, the mother has lost all of the disadvantages of making a baby too soon and is now seeing the advantages. In fact, she may look all around her and see the interesting ironies: women her age (mid to late 30s) trying with the help of medical professionals to get pregnant, for sometimes it is difficult at that age to get pregnant; and women her age changing the diapers of children they recently bore. The woman who bore a baby too soon is still a relatively young woman and with her child out of the way, she can devote all of her energies to her education, her career, and her social life without “toddling” interference. Thus, if she is ambitious and is willing to work hard and has the help and support of her own parents (if not the support of her baby’s father), the mother who made a baby too soon eventually finds herself on a par with her peers who did not make a baby too soon, and then sometimes she finds herself having the advantage over them because she made a baby too soon. Life is funny in that way. The lesson is this: a baby born to us is a blessing, no matter how or when it comes to us; never give up on that blessing, especially if you got it too soon.

46) A baby made too soon is an act of ill advised passion, a common but forgivable error of the passionate young heart. A second baby made too soon is evidence of slackness, or perhaps a flaw in your capacity to reason, unless you are independently wealthy. Seek professional help.

47) Learn to listen. Listen to your heart. Do not lie to yourself about what you hear. He may not be the right man for you, but you do love him. Everyone says that you two are perfect for each other, but you know in your heart that you do not love her. Listen to your heart. But remember this: marry with the heart; divorce with the head. Listen to your parents. Listen to them even when they are wrong. Listen. Listen. What are they really saying? Listen to the wise. When you are around someone with genuine wisdom or intelligence, listen more than you speak. Shut your mouth. Learn as much as you can from the experience. Wisdom is a rare and precious commodity. Do not waste your time in the presence of a wise one by discussing your opinions on who will win this year’s World Series. Learn to listen. Learn to ask good questions, then listen to the answer, as it comes from the wise. More than anything, listen to the voice of experience. You do not have to put your hand in the fire to know that it burns. Too many have already burned their hand for you. Learn from their pain. Be wise, not redundant. There is no need to burn your hand. I have done it. I have burned my hand. And let me tell you, young people, it was not worth it. Learn from my pain.

48) Study first. Play later.

49) Work first. Play later.

50) Don’t over work.

51) Don’t over play, but don’t forget to play. Life is fun. Life is good. Life is about play. Life is not about work or study. We work so that we can play. We study so that we can play. Work and study hard so that you can play hard. Do all things in moderation. You will have a good life. Enjoy it.

I Don't Discuss Sex, Politics, and Religion

"Preston,

It was good meeting you at Elizabeth Nunez's reading. She is amazing, isn't she? Hearing her dynamic presentation and having read the glowing reviews of your novel as I was ordering it on Amazon caused me to wonder at the state of African American literature today. Is it just me, or is anyone else disturbed by the preponderance these days of African American pulp posing as literature? Go to the African American section of your local bookstore and look at the overs, all of which are brightly colored and almost always seem to feature a sexy black woman or a bare-chested, musclebound, tattooed black man pushing tales of sex, infidelity, and a ghetto-fabulous rendition of the Amerian Dream. Is this the only kind of black novel that the publishers will sell? I don't mean to sound angry, but what happened to great black literature? What happened to great black writers? Why are there so few of those books being published and so many of the other? R.T."

Thanks for the email, R.T.

Yours is a good question, but one that I am reluctant to answer, for as a boy I was warned by my mentor that there are three subjects never to discuss in public: Sex, Politics, and Religion.

He could have added a fourth--the history of race in America--which is the issue your question is begging me to address, but which, cleverly, I shall skirt, as I explain, R.T., how you should regard the preponderance of those "colorful covers" in the African American section of your local bookstore.

Be thankful that they are there, for unlike the presence of "great black books," the presence of, or rather abundance of "medium tier black books" is a true sign of progress and/or advances in the field of writing. Allow me to explain.

Great writers shall always be published--great black writers, great white writers, great Asian writers, great Latino writers, great Afghan writers--because great writers shall always find a receptive audience among the learned and those who would learn. Books by writers of great talent abound in college classrooms and on the shelves of those who desire a "good" read. Great writers make their own way, and therefore they are not a sign of progress for the racial identity from which they hail.

Popular books, on the other hand--and I think you mean "popular books" when you say "colorful covers"--indicate a broader reading audience. And a broader reading audience indicates that more people (in the represented racial identity) are reading.

In order to state my point more clearly, let's go to the "white" section of the bookstore. Amazing. It looks a lot like the African American section of the bookstore.

Among the popular "white" books, I see covers with scantily clad women, I see sexy studs, I see guns and knives and blood on the covers, I see sports-themed books, I see self help, I see pop psychology, I see religion. This is what the masses want to read. This is also a sign that there actually still exist masses capable of and willing to read--in this world of TV, movies, and Youtube vying for your entertainment dollar, that sign is a great thing. It shows that reading still matters and that writing is still a viable medium for the transmission of information of interest to the masses.

Then I see the great "white" books and the towering "white" classics, some of which, but not all, are popular. Does this mean that the state of "white" writing is in despair?

Are you getting the point?

See, a popular African American novel is successful because there is a large audience (of African Americans and others) willing to patronize it. Its success indicates that its writer is writing about what the masses (of African Americans and others) want to read. More importantly, its succes indicates that there actually exist masses (of African Americans and others) capable of and willing to read. Its success indicates that reading matters (to African Americans and others) and that writing is a viable medium for the transmission of information of interest to the masses (of African Americans and others).

In fact, if we argue that a particular African American popular novel is NOT A GREAT BOOK we are actually helping to make the argument that its success, then, depends on a large audience eager to read book after book about this particular subject matter or by this particular writer or by writers of this particular racial identity, rather than on the book's own merits as a great work.

In other words, and finally, it should be clear to you now that a popular African American novel is about the audience; a popular African American book says that black people are reading.

However, a great African American novel--by the likes of a Richard Wright, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, Charles Johnson, Ernest J. Gaines, Elizabeth Nunez, or heck even a Preston L. Allen--is about the writer. It says that black people can write great books.

So don't despair, R.T., for those colorful covers that you speak of are a sign of progress.

Black people are reading in record numbers. Now, it is the job of people like you and me, teachers, to get them to read better books.

I hope I was not too political.

Thanks,

Preston

A Creative Writing Exercise

"Preston, I read in your bio that you hold an MFA and that you have taught creative writing. What is your favorite creative writing exercise? What is the most valuable thing you learned in your MFA program? How did you get the idea to write ALL OR NOTHING? Thanks, a writing student."

Good questions all. I'll handle them in reverse order.

1. I got the impulse to write ALL OR NOTHING because of my experiences in the casino and GA. I write to understand that which I do not understand. I did not understand the tragic things I was witnessing. There was a particular tragedy that I was somewhat close to . . . I myself was almost a tragic statistic. There was a time when I believed that I could not be helped, and it scared me. I opened my mouth to say all this and P's voice came out. At first, I thought that he would speak a short story, then a novella--before I knew it, he had spoken a novel. He had much to say. It is one of two novels I have written from beginning to end in a burst (the other is IMAJ, which is now entitled COME WITH ME, SHEBA). The editing was difficult because even those parts that were removed to improve the book are worthy and true. The book was originally written so that the chapters could be read in any order. Then I met Missy, and put her in the book, and she gave it order.

2. The most valuable lesson I learned in the MFA program is how to tell a story. Beginning, middle, end--it sounds so simple, but I was one of many who did not know what a story was, though from time to time I accidentally told one. I was very artsy before the MFA program--I wanted to impress with words. Now I am more interested in impressing with story. No matter how beautiful be your prose, it is story that the reader remembers. The reader returns to his/her favorite book, for story, not for seamless prose.

I am often a harsh critic of some of the lurid, poorly written works I find on bookstore shelves these days, but to their credit, these novels sell because of one thing: they tell a story (however badly). Here is something to keep in mind, dear writing student--long before the printed word, there was the "Storyteller." We artsy ones often get so caught up in the WAY we tell a story that we forget to actually TELL a story.

Truth be told, I still find it necessary to write short stories that are not really "stories" from time to time because of their other worthy characteristics--such is the nature of the short story, as the prettiness of its writing allows it to hover somewhere between prose and poetry. In fact, some of my favorite short stories are not really "stories": "Orientation" by Daniel Orozco, "Girl" by Jamaica Kincaid, and Italo Calvino's pieces in the venerable masterpiece INVISIBLE CITIES. That is the way it is with short stories from time to time. With my novels, however, I always tell a story. Why else would my reader read all the way to page 300 if not to find out how it all ends? He/she certainly would not read all that way because of my pretty sentences.

3. Two exercises

The End is the Beginning. (plot builder)

Go to a train station or some other public place and watch people. Take notes as you do: the sensory things--the smells, the sounds, the sights. When you find an interesting person (or persons) doing something interesting (or not so interesting--if the homeless man stretches out to sleep on the bench, if the lady in the smart dress kisses her poodle on the nose, if the man in the suit lights a cigarette and smiles), see this as the end of your story. Now write towards this end.


The Hero With No Name. (description, narrative voice)

Set your story in an unremarkable place (at home, at work, train station, grocery store check out lane, bus stop) and people it with normal people doing normal things, except one character who refuses, politely, to state his/her name. You may describe him/her but are not permitted to state the name, and he/she never states the name even in dialogue. Set the story in the third person.

Do Gamblers Really Commit Suicide?

"Preston,

I must tell you that your book is good but also very scary. Not to take anything away from your skills as a writer and storyteller, but I enjoyed the book especially because of what I learned about the gambling lifestyle as I have many friends who are gamblers or love going to the casino and the dog track.

When reading a book of fiction, however, it is sometimes difficult to tell what is real and what is made up by the writer. Do gamblers really commit suicide a lot? Thanks, a fan."

Oh boy. Gamblers committing suicide. Groan. This is the big one.

Thanks for the question, fan, but I have to admit that this is a serious subject with which I have firsthand experience, but limited knowledge.

Sadly, I must tell you, it does happen.

This is the one aspect of gambling that I don't like talking about, though, as you know, I addressed it in the novel, ALL OR NOTHING.

I find it much easier to handle in the medium of fiction.

One day I will be courageous enough to write a non-fiction piece about it.

I have seen enough of that to make me sick for life. See, because of your addiction you sink so low in self esteem and debt (my god the astronomical debt!) that the only way out for you is a big, big mega-impossible win or . . . suicide. You just get so tired you don't want to fight anymore. You get tired of struggling, and lying, and hiding, and hoping, and being disappointed, and cheating, and stealing, and doing other stupid, sleazy, selfish shit to the people you love, and hiding under that mountain of lies just waiting for the day when it all comes crashing down and you get arrested or evicted and then everybody knows.

Sometimes we could tell that someone we knew was going to do it. They would go awol from the GA meetings for the last couple of weeks, you would see them banging their last meager pennies at the casino for the last couple of weeks, they would be playing the really expensive games with the really high jackpots, the mega-impossible jackpots, and you would be praying, just praying, that they win. Come on, Lord, let him win. Of course, they would lose. Then they would disappear and we would hear at the next GA meeting that so-and-so couldn't take it anymore and shot himself. Slit her wrists. Jumped in front of traffic. Drank rat poison. But we knew already. We knew already. And there wasn't shit we could do about it because we were so close to making that same fateful decision. Every day eyeing that mega-impossible jackpot machine as we walked past it. The machine that never wins. The machine that would fix everything if it would just win.

Yeah, suicide--all kidding aside, this is one of the main reasons you should demand that any gambler you know and love seek help immediately for his/her addiction.

And here is the big lie I told in the book. Gambles don't go to each other's funerals; Gamblers play poker for their dead.

On the website Getting Past Gambling ( http://www.gettingpastgambling.com/ )there is a great explanation of why it happens. I will cut and paste the brief, though pertinent passage from that essay here.

"Gambling addiction has one of the highest suicide rates of all addictions and this is partially due to the nature of the consequences.

With most addictions, the addict can lose everything he had, his family, his job, his self-respect, he can take himself down to having nothing left, zero, zip, nada.

However, the gambling addict may have lost all of those things, but his aftermath doesn't stop merely at zero.

The gambler may have lost his family, job, self-respect AND may be thousands, tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and the only way he knows of to get out of debt is........(insert drum roll) ....................to gamble and win the big one.

When the alcoholic quits drinking, he picks up the pieces and moves on, but the gambler may be faced with overwhelming debt that he cannot see a way out of when he quits gambling.

Don't despair, many gambling addicts make it through, quit gambling and move on with their lives, but as with any other addiction it can be a life time struggle both for the gambler and the people who love them."

Copyright 2007 All material remains the property of the author http://www.oagaa.org/html/who_is_this_person_.htm posted by LindaH @ 10:49 PM

Thanks,

Preston

My Friend Juan

"Preston,
There are very few books that I cannot put down once I have picked them up. I devour textbooks (engineering . . . I know, I know . . . I love numbers but in another way, not like P), but novels, or sci-fi etc., well that’s another story.

When I got ANGELS AND DEMONS, I did not sleep for 2 days until I finished it, then came DA VINCI CODE . . . the same thing happened to me with the Dr. Alex Cross novels (James Patterson’s string of books).

But man . . . I did not sleep last night reading your book. You have gotten me hooked on it, I am almost at the end . . . I have come to hate you, but love you at the same time.

Without further ado,
AWESOME STORY DUDE!!!!
Your friend Juan V."

Thanks, Juan. Your email made my day. I am honored to have written something that you would mention in the same breath as Brown's Da Vinci Code and Patterson's Alex Cross books. Here's to hoping that ALL OR NOTHING continues its success and reaches the status of those authors' novels. Pass the book on to a friend. Write a review on Amazon. See you at work tomorrow, dude.

I owe you lunch.

Thanks,

Preston

Your Book Is Humorous

"I agree with the reviewer from Foreward Magazine who said 'ALL OR NOTHING is funny, relentless, haunting, and highly readable.' I am half way through the first half and it is cracking me up. Some fairly dark deeds are being done, but I can't help but laugh at times. It takes nothing away from the seriousness of the subject matter, your tone, and in fact makes P and his plight more endearing to the reader. I am rooting for him, though I do not suspect it will turn out all right. I am tempted to skip to the end to find out. How does a writer write seriously but humorously at the same time?"

Thanks for the question.

I used to think I knew the answer to that question, but now I am not so sure that I am right.

I used to think that a sense of humor was innate in some of us, a talent some of us had, and I had it, oh lucky class clown me . . . now upon reflection, I suspect that the watching in my youth of self-deprecating comedians--such as Woody Allen (at one extreme) and Richard Pryor (at the other)--coupled with a freshman composition instructor who had us read Ken Macrorie's textbook TELLING WRITING, in which he emphasized the jotting down of "fabulous realities," might have had something to do with it.

The collecting of fabulous realities was an excellent exercise for a young writer such as I. I don't remember exactly how it was done, but I think we were told to go out and "see" the truth in things and then to create a list of them, written down honestly and without adornment. When we read them to the class, there were many that got oohs and ahs and occasional titters of laughter.

I began to see that truth, though it made us uncomfortable, was funny.

I also learned that trying too hard to be funny, unless you were very good at it (which I was not), almost never made anyone laugh.

It was an important lesson for me. Though people often laugh at the situations my characters find themselves in, I NEVER try to be funny. I just try to be honest.

This is what the best comedians know: the truth of the human condition is . . . funny.

Great question! (I guess that means I like my answer to it.)

Thanks.

Preston

My Friend's Agent

"First I have a suggestion/comment about your book and then I have a question. The last time I asked you that question about the character named 'U,' you made a good point about not analyzing your own characters because it ruins it for the reader. However, this time I am going to make a suggestion. In your novel, the character 'U' is arguing that gambling is not an addiction it is more like baseball and chess like the examples he gives. I don't know if I agree with him or with P, who says that it is an addiction because there are many professionals such as 'U' who play poker as a sport and don't seem to be addicted to poker anymore than baseball players are to baseball. For them it is a profession. Do you agree with 'P' or with 'U'?

Second, I have a friend/associate who has an agent that helped him to sell his book. I have a self-published book that is selling decently online and I am seeking an agent so that I can sell it to a major publiser. I have hinted to my 'friend' several times to put in a good word for me with his agent but he has never done so always making excuses about how busy she (the agent) is every time I bring it up. Is he trying to say that he thinks my book is not good enough for his agent? Thanks, a writer/reader."

Okay, let's take the easy question first.

I agree with both P and U. I believe that gambling is an addiction and very, very few people who play it at that high level are free from its addictive powers, despite what they may believe about themselves as professionals.

Poker, a form of gambling, is similar to baseball (or any sport) in that it is a game that must be learned, can be mastered, and it can be played at a professional levels by professionals.

The difference between poker and professional baseball is that a gambler uses his own money--baseball players, and other athletes, are paid to play. If they lose a game of baseball, they still earn a paycheck . . .

If a boxer loses a match, he is still paid . . . if a boxer puts up his own money, betting on himself to win, and he loses, not only does he go home with a bruised nose and ego, but with a bruised bank account.

If they extend the concept of poker leagues that pay professional poker players to compete with each other for the viewing pleasure of others, then that type of poker playing will be different from gambling and similar to what we see in professional sports.

If Tom Brady announces to Peyton Manning, "I will win a Super Bowl this year." That is a prediction. But if Tom Brady says, "I will win a Super Bowl this year, and I will put up my salary this year against Peyton Manning's salary this year to back it up." That is gambling.

Big difference.

And Tom Brady loses either way. If he does not win a Super Bowl, he has to fork over his salary to Peyton Manning. If he wins a Super Bowl and wins the bet, taking Peyton Manning's salary, then he gets hooked on that feeling and becomes a gambler. In a few years he will be broke making those kinds of bets.

Your second question. Some writers, for whatever reason, tend to be jealous of their agents, and unless they really like your book and think you are talented and can trust you not to steal their agent's attention away from them, then they will give your their agent's info and put in a good word for you. A writer who does that for you is showing a great deal of confidence in you.

A great deal.


Thanks,

Preston

A Character in Your Novel

"I am enjoying the book so far. I just finished the CORINTHIANS Chapter and I had to email you to tell you how excellent that part is. As a religious man myself, I completely get it--the title of the chapter and all.

I noticed that the gamblers in your book seem to represent many levels and many types of addiction; however, the gambler you named 'U' stands out from the rest as being not so depraved. What if anything does 'U' represent or symbolize? I did not miss the fact that his name is 'U'."

Thanks for sending me the email. The CORINTHIANS chapter is special for me, too. In some ways gambling becomes a gambler's religion: the devotion, the belief system, the hope, the sacrifice. But gambling offers the gambler a false covenant and transforms him in ways that are the exact opposite of that postulated by Paul about love (charity) in that famous section in the Corinthians.

As concerns U . . . U is the successful gambling celebrity. He does everything right. He makes it seem easy, but he works hard at it. Harder than you. He too is quietly suffering from the effects of his addiction, and you choose not to notice the suffering because you want to be U. But you can never be U. You are in too deep.

Wow that was deep. What did I just say? It sounded kinda good. I have no idea what I just said. I hope it makes sense to you or to any future literary scholars interested in deconstructing the novel for their students. If a student of mine had written what I just said, I would have given him a B, okay a B+. It is a good answer. But not the only answer.

In truth, I am uncomfortable with literary questions like this. I'm just a writer. I just tell the story; you the reader have to decide for yourself what it all means. And when it comes down to who is right, me the writer or you the reader, well, of course the reader is always right.

A writer, because of her implied, but false authority, ruins the story if she establishes set explanations for things.

The story exists in your head. It is now your story. So what, it differs from mine just a little bit.

I will gladly discuss the symbolism in someone else's book, but not my own. I am the writer. I don't want to ruin what it means for you.

On the other hand, I am very interested in listening to others discuss the book, or sharing with me their opinions of things in the book. In fact, I am honored by it.

(Joyce Carol Oates once responded in like kind to a question about her famous story "WHERE ARE YOU GOING WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN." If anyone can find her well articulated response to a student who was asking her to analyze her own story and to comment on his analysis of it, please email it to me prestonthewriterallen@gmail.com so that I can link it to the blog.)

Thanks,

Preston

Do Agents Charge a Fee?

"Preston, good job on the blog. Here's my question. Do agents charge a fee for reading? Young writer."

Thanks for the question, young writer. No. From my experience agents do not charge a fee. Some of the smaller houses may charge a small sum at the beginning for postage and even this is rare.

Agents make their money in the commission they earn from your book (about 15%). If an agent feels that he/she can make money from your book, then they will represent you. If they feel they cannot make a sale from your book, then they will not sign you.

Think about it. If an agent could make $100 for reading your book, he/she would never really need to make a sale. Why? There are so many people out there with books . . . all the agent has to do is sign, say, 500 people at $100 a pop, and he/she has just earned fifty grand, and believe me with the number of unpublished writers out there it would be a piece of cake to sign 500 clients.

Trying to sell their books would not seem a very profitable venture compared to that easy hundred.

Thanks,

Preston

Why Can't You Stop Gambling on Your Own?

"My b/f is just like the gamblers in your novel, especially P. He has stopped gambling many times and then gone right back to it. Why do you think a gambler just can't quit when he really means it and says he is going to quit?"

Thanks,

I'm sorry to hear about your b/f, but you would have to ask a professional that question for the best answer. I am just a novelist and, unfortunately, a gambler myself. I do not go to the casino anymore, but I think about it every day. EVERY day.

GA helped me to get a grip on the behavior, and so did my love for my family and the things that I would potentially destroy if I continued to go. The fact that I am a control freak probably helped too--I did not like the fact that I was being controlled by an external force. But every day that passes I see a number combination that tugs at my "intuition," and I get this urge to play it on the slots.

One of the things I have learned through my experiences and from the gamblers I know is that gambling is fun. Gambling is a thrill. Gambling is an opportunity for good things to come. With gambling, anything is possible. Gambling is like childhood all over again. You know, like when you were a child--it seemed like anything was possible. In a casino, it seems like anything is possible. And it is. If you're lucky.

I was at a casino in the middle of the night playing poker and one of the regulars asked if I could give him a lift home. He had no car and he had, as was his habit, arrived there on foot. Sure, I told him.

But there was no need to do that. He hit a royal flush jackpot at our table for $25,000. They paid him off in the manner he requested: $10,000 in cash and the rest in check. He waited for the sun to come up and walked across the street to the car dealership, bought a spiffy little Toyota (in cash!), and drove himself home.

Wow. Anything is possible we all said, watching.

A dealer we all knew and loved started annoying us with his complaints about the way he was being treated at the casino by management: shorting him on his hours, giving others with less seniority preferential treatment, over-criticizing the few mistakes he made while dealing (he was one of the best--he rarely made mistakes dealing).

Then he disappeared, and a few weeks passed before we saw him again. This time he was there as a player. I was at the table with him as he was telling everyone about what had happened: He won half a million dollars on the slots at one of the other local casinos and he quit his job the next day.

Wow. Anything is possible.

Stuff like that happens in casinos all the time. People hit amazing amounts of money that change their lives. They can quit their jobs, they can buy a new car, a new house. I have seen it. No problem is too big that the casino can't solve, it seems.

And maybe that is the problem. See, once people like your b/f get so deep in debt from their indiscriminate gambling, the only place they can go and not feel bad about their desperate situation is, believe it or not, the casino. Because the casino, if they hit it big, represents the solution to the finanacial hole that they are buried up to their eyeballs in.

As long as there is a casino, there is a hope that they can get out of their misery.

And it is at times like these that they conveniently forget the impossible odds they have to overcome in order to win, and most of all they forget that it is the casino that has put them in their misery in the first place.

They just keep pressing PLAY and wishing like children on a star.

Anything is possible.

Anything is possible.

Anything is possible--except for quitting gambling, no matter how strong you think you are.

Thanks,

Preston